A recent behavioral study led by Julian Givi, an associate professor of marketing at West Virginia University’s John Chambers College of Business and Economics, delves into a pervasive yet underexplored aspect of human social interaction: the reluctance to ask to join others’ plans. Published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Givi’s research unveils that many individuals hesitate to “self-invite” themselves into social activities, driven largely by misperceptions about how their requests might be received.
The core of this phenomenon lies in what social psychologists call faulty social predictions. When people consider asking to join a friend’s plans—whether it’s a casual hike or a lunch outing—they often anticipate negative responses. This anticipation manifests as fears of irritation, offense, or exclusion, despite evidence to the contrary. Through eight rigorous experimental studies, Givi and his colleagues demonstrated that these fears are largely unfounded, revealing a wide gap between people’s apprehensions and their friends’ actual receptiveness.
Participants in Givi’s studies were tasked with imagining real-life scenarios where they either self-invited or were invited to join others’ plans. In these vignettes, they assessed their own and others’ reactions regarding feelings of annoyance or offense. Interestingly, while individuals routinely expected to evoke irritation by asking to join, data showed that their social circles were, in fact, quite open to such self-invitations, underscoring a significant mismatch between expectation and social reality.
One of the pivotal insights from this research relates to what Givi terms “egocentric bias” — the psychological tendency to overestimate how much others focus on oneself. When people are excluded from social plans, they often assume deliberate omission. However, Givi points out that many social planners overlook inviting someone simply because they aren’t considering them, not because they intend to exclude. This egocentric lens skews perception and contributes to the hesitancy surrounding self-invitation.
Further complicating this dynamic are logistical concerns that participants reported considering before deciding whether to self-invite. These include worries about the added complexity of coordinating meeting times, transportation, or costs. Such pragmatic considerations can contribute significantly to hesitation, yet even when experimental conditions controlled for these practical obstacles, participants still showed a marked reluctance to initiate self-invitations.
The broader societal dimension uncovered by Givi’s work touches on our collective aversion to social intrusion. As a culture, people are conditioned to avoid imposing on others, which paradoxically leads to missed social opportunities. This social restraint extends beyond casual planning to other contexts such as asking for help or engaging with strangers, revealing a universal pattern rooted in inaccurate assumptions about others’ openness to unsolicited engagement.
Givi’s studies also explored alternative explanations, such as the general pessimism surrounding request outcomes and personal biases about others’ willingness to include additional participants. These factors, while plausible contributors, proved insufficient to fully explain the widespread hesitancy. Notably, even when participants were assured of a positive response, their reluctance to self-invite persisted, highlighting deeply ingrained social norms and internalized inhibitions.
The research specifies important boundaries to this effect. For instance, the findings primarily concern established relationships rather than nascent acquaintances. The comfort and expectation dynamics between lifelong friends differ significantly from those among strangers or newly formed social ties. Moreover, the study centers on informal activities such as movie outings or lunches, excluding more formal events like weddings where invitations are compulsory and structured.
One of the most striking implications of this research is the psychological and health relevance of social participation itself. Social engagement is widely recognized to bolster mental well-being and physical health. By avoiding self-invitaions, individuals may be inadvertently isolating themselves and missing out on critical social support and enrichment, thus perpetuating loneliness and psychological distress.
Givi encourages a cultural shift in how social invitations are perceived and communicated. He suggests that both potential invitees and planners recalibrate their assumptions: individuals should feel empowered to ask to join plans without undue fear of offending, and planners should cultivate awareness of others’ interest and avoid assuming disinterest simply because an invitation wasn’t extended. This mutual awareness could foster more inclusive and fulfilling social interactions.
Beyond interpersonal dynamics, this research opens intriguing avenues for further enquiry within behavioral economics and social psychology. It challenges conventional models of social decision-making, emphasizing the nuanced interplay between cognitive biases and social norms. Understanding these mechanisms could lead to interventions aiming to reduce social hesitation and enhance community cohesion.
In an era increasingly marked by social fragmentation and digital interaction, Givi’s findings present an urgent call to reevaluate how social scripts shape behavior. Encouraging more transparent and proactive communication about inclusion might not only improve individual health outcomes but also strengthen the social fabric in meaningful ways.
Ultimately, this groundbreaking work by Givi and his colleagues presents self-invitations not as breaches of etiquette but as opportunities for connection waiting to be realized. Recognizing and overcoming the psychological barriers that inhibit these acts could democratize social engagement and reduce the invisible distances between people who wish to be closer.
Subject of Research: Social psychology; behavioral economics; self-invitation reluctance in social plans
Article Title: Self-Invitation Hesitation: How and Why People Fail to Ask to Join the Plans of Others
News Publication Date: 18-Mar-2025
Web References: DOI link
Image Credits: WVU Photo/David Malecki
Keywords: Social psychology, Social research, Behavioral economics, Health and medicine, Behavioral psychology, Marketing research, Experimental psychology, Mental health, Anxiety, Attention, Statistical probability, Psychological assessment
