A new study from Flinders University has uncovered the intricate mechanisms behind why self-forgiveness can be profoundly challenging for many individuals, even when they recognize the mental health benefits that forgiveness can provide. This groundbreaking research, published in the journal Self and Identity, delves into the complex emotional terrain navigated by people who feel trapped in cycles of guilt and shame following personal mistakes or difficult life events. By examining firsthand accounts from 80 participants, the study sheds light on the psychological processes that either enable self-forgiveness or contribute to persistent self-condemnation.
The research team, led by Professor Lydia Woodyatt from the College of Education, Psychology and Social Work at Flinders University, embarked on an exploratory qualitative study aimed at understanding why some people manage to forgive themselves fully while others remain mired in feelings of unrelenting guilt. The participants shared deeply personal stories, revealing variations in how individuals perceive and process past wrongdoings. Significantly, the analysis identified that those struggling with self-forgiveness often described their memories as vivid and ever-present, suggesting that the passage of time does not necessarily mitigate the emotional burden associated with these events.
A striking finding involves the repetitive mental replaying of the incident, which appears to anchor individuals in the past and exacerbate feelings of shame, regret, guilt, and self-blame. For many, these emotional responses are not transient but persistent and intense, underscoring the deep psychological impact of certain life experiences. Contrastingly, those who achieved self-forgiveness reported that, while memories and emotions did resurface occasionally, they were less overwhelming and no longer directed the course of their lives. This distinction points to the nuanced nature of forgiveness, which extends beyond simply “letting go” to a dynamic and ongoing cognitive and emotional process.
Professor Woodyatt emphasizes that self-forgiveness should not be simplistically equated with forgetting or suppressing painful memories. Instead, it involves an active engagement with one’s emotions and an acceptance of human fallibility. People who successfully navigate this process tend to consciously direct their focus toward future goals, acknowledge the limitations of their knowledge or control at the time of the event, and reconnect with their core values. This future-oriented mindset underpins the gradual rebuilding of moral identity and psychological agency, enabling individuals to regain a sense of autonomy and dignity despite past mistakes.
Importantly, the study reveals that self-forgiveness is especially complicated for those who feel they have failed significant others—such as children, partners, or close friends—or who themselves have been victims of harm. These contexts complicate emotional resolution because feelings of responsibility and relational betrayal are deeply intertwined with personal identity and moral self-concept. Professor Woodyatt’s work challenges the conventional assumption that self-forgiveness is solely reserved for those who have clearly committed transgressions; instead, she argues that moral injury and self-condemnation can arise even when individuals are victims or when outcomes were beyond their control.
From a neuropsychological perspective, the researchers interpret emotions like shame, guilt, and self-blame as indicators of moral injury—a core disturbance in anticipated psychological needs such as agency and belonging. The brain appears to signal these injuries by generating negative affective states, which serve as targets for psychological repair. Healing, therefore, necessitates more than cognitive reframing; it requires addressing the underlying disruptions to a person’s sense of choice, autonomy, and social connectedness.
The study also highlights that self-forgiveness is not a single epiphanic moment but rather a gradual process unfolding over time. This process often involves reflection, emotional regulation, and, critically, support from others such as therapists, counselors, or trusted confidants. Mental health professionals working with clients facing entrenched guilt and shame must look beyond surface affirmations and assist individuals to explore the origins of their self-condemnation. Facilitating moral repair involves reaffirming an individual’s moral values and identity, thereby restoring their capacity for agency and self-acceptance.
Adding an important interdisciplinary dimension, criminologist and psychologist Dr. Melissa de Vel-Palumbo of the College of Business, Government and Law at Flinders University points out the study’s relevance to criminology and offender rehabilitation. Understanding how people process guilt and responsibility offers valuable insights into patterns of offending behavior and rehabilitation trajectories. The firsthand narratives gathered, encompassing experiences spanning decades, provide a rare and detailed view of how guilt and related emotions evolve, persist, or resolve over time.
Technically, this research utilized qualitative survey methods, involving participants who shared rich personal reflections rather than quantitative metrics alone. Such an approach allowed the disciplinary team to capture the lived experience and subjective nuances essential for comprehending the multifaceted nature of self-forgiveness. The article titled “What makes self-forgiveness so difficult (for some)? Understanding the lived experience of those stuck in self-condemnation” articulates these findings in detail and offers a significant contribution to the psychological literature on forgiveness, moral injury, and identity repair.
The implications of this research extend beyond academic circles, resonating with anyone grappling with self-directed negative emotions. It challenges cultural narratives that simplistically frame forgiveness as a binary choice and instead reveals a layered process demanding patience, self-compassion, and psychological insight. By unraveling the complexity embedded in self-forgiveness, the study opens pathways for tailored therapeutic interventions and a deeper public understanding of why truly forgiving oneself is often one of the most difficult, yet transformative, psychological challenges an individual can face.
In sum, the Flinders University study underscores the importance of acknowledging the persistence of emotional pain and the slow, reflective journey toward self-forgiveness. It confirms that this process entails a renegotiation of self-identity, a recommitment to personal values, and a restoration of agency and belonging. Through these mechanisms, individuals move from being prisoners of their past toward renewed moral and psychological wellbeing.
Subject of Research: People
Article Title: What makes self-forgiveness so difficult (for some)? Understanding the lived experience of those stuck in self-condemnation
News Publication Date: 3-Jun-2025
Web References:
- https://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2025.2513878
- https://www.flinders.edu.au/people/lydia.woodyatt
- https://www.flinders.edu.au/people/melissa.devel-palumbo
References:
Woodyatt, L., de Vel-Palumbo, M., Barron, A., Harous, C., Wenzel, M., & de Silva, S. (2025). What makes self-forgiveness so difficult (for some)? Understanding the lived experience of those stuck in self-condemnation. Self and Identity. DOI:10.1080/15298868.2025.2513878
Image Credits: Flinders University
Keywords: self-forgiveness, guilt, shame, moral injury, psychological agency, identity repair, mental health, emotional processing, moral values, rehabilitation, qualitative research, psychological wellbeing
